Month: December 2016

i would like to think that everyone has gone through the phase when they just hated taking baths/showers. maybe some people still do! who am i to judge?? i will be the main one making excuses for myself on why it’s “okay” if i skip taking a shower. “i didn’t even leave the house today” “i just went to the store and came right back” “i didn’t even break a sweat” “i’ll just take one in the morning” “i just took one this morning” “i just took one yesterday morning” LOL if you have ever used ANY of these excuses on yourself or others, don’t judge me ha! but this post isn’t about my adult life, it’s about my childhood. i HATED showers. i just thought they were a waste of time. my mom gave me baths up until first grade. (so what! she was thorough and always got this AMAZING lather going on the washrag that i still haven’t been able to achieve. bath level: 1000 thanks Tokhwa) but anyway, when i started being held responsible for my own personal hygiene i went on a shower strike. when it was my turn to take a shower i would take in my sega genesis game gear into the bathroom, turn the shower on and kick back and relax. (SN: for those who may not remember the sega genesis game gear here’s a quick reminder)  don’t act like you forgot! i loved my little handheld gaming device! my brother had graduated to the playstation at this point and so the game gear was all mine! muahahaha! so anyway, i would play a few rounds of sonic the hedgehog and after i thought i had spent an adequate amount of time i would emerge from the bathroom exhaling all loud as if i had just been at the spa. i flew under the radar for like a day, then my mom started to go into the bathroom after me and called me out on my bone dry washcloth. dang it! why didn’t i think to at least WET it? so the next time i threw the washcloth to the bottom of the tub and let the water run over it. happy with myself i resumed playing on my game gear. THEN my mom started to SMELL my washcloth for the usage of soap. so what did i do? you guessed it, started rubbing soap on my washcloth before tossing it to the tub floor. i was met with yet another obstacle, my mom started timing me. (she kept saying that i was coming out too soon and couldn’t possibly be washing good enough) SOOO i got smart, and would do my washcloth routine then take a “mock” shower where i was acting out washing my body but not really doing so. i know what you’re thinking, if i was going to go through all that, why not just take the dang shower! the answer is simple…i was a dirty nasty kid! LOL at this point i don’t think i’d taken a shower in 3-4 days give or take. just sick. i was & still can be a stubborn person who wants things to go my way, so i was determined to create a system that worked! now every now and then my mom would still trip me up, but i was able to skip plenty showers in my day. even now i am sure to limit my showers to 5-7 minutes. ain’t nobody got time for that!

i was oblivious to body hair until i went to fifth grade. i had fairly plump lips for a 10 year old so the shadow from my top lip created what appeared to be a mustache. my brother gave me absolute HAIL about it! to the point where my mother ended up taking me to beauty salon in the mall to get my top lip waxed. the wax was hot than a mug, but i remember thinking to myself, “this pain will all be worth it when i have this hairless top lip!” so the woman lets my seat up, and as she did she said under her breath, “oh.” i sat up straight and stared in the mirror, my face was BEET RED from the hot wax and my face was on FIRE…BUT i didn’t have a trace of hair, and i figured the red would soon fade away and it was way better than the darkness i had when i entered the salon. boy, was i wrong. i woke up the next day, looked in the mirror and had a MUSTSCAB! you might think i’m joking but i seriously had a scab going from one end of my mouth to the other giving off the impression that i had a mustache! can you imagine how mortified i was. then i had to go to school the next day and explain to all of my friends what happened to my face. too embarrassed to tell them that i had gotten my top lip waxed, i told them that my cat scratched me. (sidenote, i have NEVER, nor will i ever own a cat) they believed me and we all moved on for the next 4-5 business days. since then i have NEVER gotten my top lip waxed again. i just take a razor to it twice a month like a regular person lol

so in the past 6 years i have moved approximately 9 times. you would think with those statistics i would be pretty good at it by now…NOT. my efficiency in moving is equivalent to that of a 3rd grader. Continue reading →